The Unspoken

Opening the door into grief is never a chosen one. Quite often it falls upon you like a ton of bricks. Death is often a very taboo subject, unspoken, silent and tucked away neatly like a freshly ironed shirt.

Some words that were unfortunately spoken to me after Alexander died:
“Oh well, you’ll just have to have another one”
“He looks dead in that photo”
“You’ll just have to move on”
“What did you call it?”
“You won’t be sad forever you know”
“Babies die, the statistics of saving mothers lives over the years have risen but baby death rates remain pretty much the same”
“I know you fret over Harvey because of what happened to Alexander but I really think you should just leave him to cry more”

There is so much focus on being happy and having a happy life and doing things that make you happy. How does grief fit in amongst all this?

One day it is possible to be happy yet still grieving. I recall feeling so guilty for smiling or laughing or going out and celebrating an event because he wasn’t here and I should be sad. I never told mysel that it’s ok to find these moments in amongst the heartache

It feels wrong to cry in public or show my grief out in the open because the one thing people say or assume is “what’s wrong?” A very natural human response but there is nothing wrong. My baby died and I’m grieving  him and there is nothing anybody can do to make that ok.